Running for office in Middle Earth is no easy task, but it can be very rewarding. If you are a goblin looking to give public service a try, the following guide is a great place to start.
- Canvass (knock on doors) various neighborhoods like Moria, Isengard and Mordor. Avoid Torech Ungol, however. Shelob will eat you!
- Ringwraiths should be used for phone/text banks. Their physical presence is too off-putting for them to be effective doorknockers.
- Endorsements from local politicians like the White Wizard can go a long way in winning over the well informed voter.
- Ally with labor organizations like UMWM (United Mine Workers of Moria). They will door knock for you and, crucially, keep the Balrog out of the election.
- Speak in favor of universal programs. Uruks, trolls, and goblins all need access to affordable healthcare.
- Develop a communications (comms) plan. Direct mailers via Worg Postal are an affordable and professional way to introduce yourself to voters.
- Avoid talking about other gods besides Melkor.
- Tap into a professional pollster like the Crebain, Saruman's raven spies. They can provide valuable insight on how the average goblin views your candidacy and policy positions.
- Campaigns are expensive. Fundraising should be a constant endeavor. Do not rely on big corporate PACs like Smaug's Pile of Dwarf Treasure, or Mythril Stolen From Hobbits to provide everything.
- Small donations from everyday goblins, like the severed heads of Gondorians, go a long way.
- Gollum cannot be trusted. He will not help you win favor with the Dark Lord by using the One Ring. He will keep it for himself.